Nights without Manca

Yesterday I slept with Manca, and although I may now be sleep-deprived, my day was full of confidence and hope.

When I came home from working at the office, Carlota told me Manca would be home later with Lode, that she'd asked her to put her newly washed bed linnen, now out to dry, in her room when dry.

I was so confident that, later, I not only did that for Carlota, for Manca, but also went ahead and put her linnen on her bed, around her blanket. Manca should have a nice night with Lode and I'll be fine with it, I thought, in the same way as Manca can be fine with Lisanna being with me. I figured that the previous time that Lode was here, was before Manca had opened up her intimacy to me.

I fell asleep and didn't notice them coming home. But when I woke up because I needed to pee, I heard their noises, only after having left my room for the toilet, and sat on the toilet for a little bit listening to Manca approach climax, and Lode orgasm. I felt the jealousy sting right through my heart. The, admittedly weird, things Manca had said about my capacity as a lover, yesterday, came to mind, and I would question their legitimacy, and whether Manca meant it when she said those things.

Why must I be such an inferior, insecure, small, stupid boy?