Avoidance and self-pity

I've come across so much obstacles and stress, that I have built a strong mechanism of resistance: avoidance and self-pity.

This presents is with a paradox though: if one ponders one's competence in the first place, and then is faced with one's incompetence, why build walls and pity oneself? The answer lies in meaning. In fact, that meaning solves this paradox exemplifies that meaning comes first, before the material world. The quest for meaning, or understanding oneself in the world, is basic. Meaning is accomplished actions, because they allow for further endeavor of meaning. In this sense, indeed, meaning is life, meaning is self-recurrence. But if incompetent, this recurrence loses traction, and further exploration is impeded. But meaning has no actual bound, and settles, instead, on this non-recurrence. This is a natural tendency of meaning: to seek and understand where it can, and propagate, albeit in a self destructive fashion.

I want to make sense of the world, but I can not. So, I make sense of the fact that I can not.

How to stop this vicious cycle?

Postulate that one can make sense of the world. (The postulate of hope.)

To postulate hope is to claim ground. It is in this sense that the act of hope is selfish and "irreflexive" (in a certain sense).

The paradox of dignity is such: to acknowledge the dignity of every living thing, and yet distinguish between less and more living; starting with oneself. (To acknowledge your own dignity, whilst aspiring to live a fuller life.)